I love this blog and now she’s doing an awesome giveaway:
http://www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com
Please check her out and follow her blog! They are amazing!
February 7, 2010
Shoutout! By Steve
December 30, 2009
Long time no see… By Steve
It seems like forever since I’ve posted, even though I know it’s only been a few days.
I hope that everyone had a Happy Christmas filled with all the things that you could ever desire! I had a pretty good day, it was quiet, which for a big family equals good. I got some cool presents and I totally blew my diet.
See when I say at the end of something nice it sounds better right?
I have been back on plan since Monday and have officially lost everything that I had regained, I know that I can do this, but I need to stop slipping up. I am waisting precious time and I deserve to give myself my full attention.
I’ve been doing a liquid diet since Monday, and today I came off it and had an egg and three pieces of sausage, they were quite delicious, and totally worth the calories. I have to find the place where I can take in the appropriate number of calories and nutrients and be satisfied with myself.
I don’t know how many of you watch Flash Forward, I just caught up on it yesterday and “Mr Simcoe” mentioned a theory about many worlds, and I found this rather intriguing. According to this theory, every choice causes a reaction, and every reaction that you’re not living out is being lived out in another world. So that every opportunity that we missed, every choice that we made, everything that we’ve ever done, there’s a whole other world where those other choices are being lived out. I think about this and think, that perhaps, in that other world I was never a fat adult, the diets that I was on as a teenager worked, and as naive as this may sound I find some comfort in it.
I hope that everyone has a happy new year! Make it a healthy one!
I’ll be back here on the first of year, blogging everyday in 2010.
“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.” ~Ellen Goodman
December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas To All… and To All A Fat Life!
By Steve:
It’s Christmas Eve and as usual I’ve been cooking, I keep forgetting that I’m not supposed to lick the bowl or sample all of the holiday goodies that come with this time of year, I suppose that’s why I gained today.
As a child I was taught that most holidays are more about the food then the festivities and this tie to food has continued through on to my adulthood, planning huge meals, with more then enough food to go around. I think it may have started with my grandparents as they were both from huge families and grew up during the depression, this caused them to constantly prepare more then was needed, and as wasteful as this is, we continue to do it today.
My view on holidays has completely changed from one of looking forward to the most amazing food of the year to dread, I don’t want to waste another Christmas gaining weight. I am on the journey of a lifetime one that will be filled with holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and weddings they are part of being “normal” we have to find a way to survive these events without a slip into failure every time. The average American gains 5-7 lbs every holiday season, I don’t know about the rest of you but I don’t want to be a part of that statistic anymore. Changing our holiday rituals is part of changing our weight, and it’s just something we have to do.
The reason why America is so fat is because of our adaption without the time for our bodies to evolve. We were a nation of hunters and gatherers before we turned into one of couch potatoes and fast food eaters. We don’t hunt for anything but the remote anymore, and our bodies are showing it.
What you make of the rest of you life is totally up to you, but realize that New Year’s is right around the corner, change your life, change yourself, and most of all change your future!
I know that you can do this, eat in moderation tomorrow! Enjoy your family, after all that is what the holiday is about. So as much as I’ve always felt the title applied to me, I want to wish you a different holiday greeing.
Merry Christmas to you, I hope that you have the healthiest and happiest of new years! Decide who you want to be and make it happen.
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce
December 13, 2009
What?
By Steve:
So I find myself here again, in the midst of yet another period of emo-ness and depression. This feeling usually leads to a binge but I’m trying my hardest not to let that happen.
My foot hurts like hell tonight and keeps burning, that coupled with my emotional issues leaves me wanting to dive head first into the nearest unhealthy snack. I find myself feeling like food is the only friend I have.
I try to reach out to people only to have my hand stepped on. I am tired of trying, I am tired of putting myself out there, and most of all I’m tired of people saying one thing and doing another.
I am just tired of it all, and yet I still must press through and keep going.
Today’s food:
- Breakfast: None - Sleeping
- Lunch:
- Lettuce (10)
- Cheese (120)
- Ranch Dressing (60)
- Dinner:
- 2 Salsbury Steaks (260)
- 1/4 cup mashed potatoes (80)
- Snack:
- Chex Mix (130)
- Ranch Dressing (60)
- 2 Cups Tea (96)
- Total: 816 (Disgusting)
I am back on the losing side of weight, I’m not going to post my weight until Fridays though as that’s my official weigh in day for the “Race to 2010 Challenge”
Thanks so much for reading my ramble.
Have a great weekend!
December 11, 2009
Update - Vanessa
It’s been a bit since I’ve updated here. Things have been rather hectic and continue to be. I know that despite all that I still need to get things under control. I am restarting sparkpeople on Sunday. I signed up and have entered my measurements and starting weight. I’ve joined a couple of groups to see which work out for me. I am registered under VanessaNoble if anyone wants to add me as their friend.
For the sake of honesty I’ve decided to post my starting measurements and weight here. I may be up or down a couple of pounds but I forgot to weigh in today and think I’ll probably weigh in on Sunday since I’m starting over. The measurements won’t change much between now and then so I’ll leave them as they are. I am not going to swear to their accuracy because measuring myself is a bit complex but they will drop. I had been down by nearly 30 inches but gained it all back since June. I’ll be back on track and lose it again.
Waist - 46, Chest - 43.5, below chest - 37, hips - 50, upper arm - 14, elbow 11, thigh - 29.5, calf 16.25, knee - 16.5, neck 15, ankle 9, belly button 45, forearm 9.5
Weight 240ish
How’s that for honest? I don’t want to post this but here we go.
December 8, 2009
Where did I go?
By Steve:
Well…
I was supposed to blog here daily, and yet again I failed.
I started bingeing on Saturday… and didn’t stop until today. I gained a few lbs, I’m going to say three, even though it’s more like two and a half. I hate that number so I’m not putting it in here, but if you flip back to my last blog you can figure it out.
Today’s Food:
- Breakfast: None
- Lunch: None
- Dinner:
- 3 oz cheese (210)
- 2/3 cup chex mix (140)
- Yogurt (110)
- Pudding (60)
- Total: 520 Calories - I will not be eating anymore tonite.
I am disgusted with myself and my behavior.
See you tomorrow.
December 5, 2009
Day Seven… Back On Plan, Sorta.
Well… it’s day seven of me being back on plan, I’ve lost 9.6 lbs, and I have to say I’m fairly satisfied with that number:
- Starting Weight: 539
- Surgery Weight: 522
- Nov. 29th, 2009: 384.2
- Dec. 5th, 2009: 374.6
- This Week Loss: 9.6
- Surgery Loss: 147.4
- Total Loss: 164.4
I was supposed to go out today/tonite, and was cancelled on which led to me bingeing on taco salad (approx. 800 calories worth) and having a rice krispies treat.
So…
Today’s calories:
- Breakfast: None - Slept Through It.
- Lunch:
- Pudding (60)
- Yogurt (110)
- Dinner:
- Taco Salad (Approx. 800 Calories)
- Rice Krispies Treat (232)
- Today’s Total: 1086
I’m feeling like a complete failure, I hope that this slight mistake won’t cause a massive gain tomorrow. We’ll see what happens.
Hope everyone has an amazing Saturday!
December 4, 2009
Me in my new hat… I have always felt too big to wear a hat, but I gave it a try… what do you think?
December 4, 2009
Daily Blogging… Is This Annoying?
By Steve
I see the trend of daily vlogging, and I tried it, I really really did, but it’s just not something I can keep up with. So instead I will be daily blogging. I’ll be blogging everyday until I get to goal… hope you join me on this journey.
First of all I was supposed to stay off the scale but I can’t seem to make myself do that… so… yeah we are going to let that go for a while, because not weighing is stressing me out as much as weighing in was…
So I got back on plan Saturday November 29th…
- Starting Weight: 539 - Highest weight ever.
- Surgery Weight: 522 - Scary Numbers
- November 29th Weight: 384.2
- December 4ths Weight: 376.2
- Loss since back on plan: 8 lbs
- Total Loss: 162.8
Today’s Food:
- Breakfast: None - Slept through - Late night on stickam.
- Lunch:
- Yogurt (110)
- Pudding (60)
- Total: 170
- Dinner:
- 11 Tortilla Chips (140)
- 1/4 Cup Salsa (30)
- 2 Tbsp Cheese (30)
- 2 Tbsp Sour Cream (60)
- Root Bear Float Bar (90)
- Total: 520
Satisfied and reduced calories… loves it.
See you tomorrow!
December 3, 2009
Community Doesn’t Exist Without U and I…
I am back to eating on plan…
- Breakfast: Slept Through - 0 Calories
- Lunch: Yogurt 110 Calories, 6 grams protein
- Snack: Click Protein Shake 120 Calories, 15 grams protein
- Dinner: Yogurt 110 Calories, 6 grams protein
- Today’s Total: 340 Calories, 27 grams protein
- That’s how today will go, time to get on plan and stay there.
I feel compelled to discuss this because of something that happened on blogtv, in my room at four am cst.
This community has been a huge part of my life and means so much to me. To everyone who has ever supported me, cared about me or taken a few minutes to watch my videos I really appreciate you.
Having said that I’m about to write something that is really only applicable to a few people, they know who they are and I’m sure they will read this….
*Warning Extremely Foul Language*
I have been a part of, listened in on, been told about, etc many things which are considered “drama.” I also happen to be blamed for alot of drama, and at this point I have to say enough is enough.
I am going to break this down for everyone… I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!
If you have issue with me… unsubscribe, unfollow, block, do what you have to do.
DO NOT accuse me of anything again, and furthermore do not pretend to have video footage of me talking about someone, because obviously I know that I didn’t. I don’t have time or energy to waste on you anymore. This is MY journey, I have to worry about ME. I no longer feel the need to perpetuate any drama, I don’t care enough to worry about you anymore.
I have separated myself from people who drag me down, and I will be damned if I continue to apologize for things I didn’t do, or have any part of. If you don’t want me in this community, you’re out of luck.
If you don’t like me, stop watching me, stop coming to my blogtv shows, stop following me on twitter. Please stop being a bitch and doing it all under fake names as well. Grow a fucking pair and be an adult and say what you have to say. Having addressed that… let’s move on.
I was accused of “damaging” the WLC by bringing in people who aren’t necessarily on youtube to lose weight. These people are my friends, and they have been there when there hasn’t been one fucking person in the weight loss community who gave a shit about me. So don’t judge my friends, you want to talk about community and then tell me that you only want certain people involved. FUCK YOU.
Community does not exsist without U and I… please if you are reading this, and believe me I know who you are, addressing me by Steven, was a BIG mistake grow the fuck up and move on.
December 2, 2009
It’s Me Again Margaret… oh I mean Steve…
I always wish that I had a quirky, fun way to intro my blogs… as you may find them more enjoyable that way… but alas I do not.
So I flipped on limewire and now I intend on writing the epic novel of a blog… hope you are in for a good read. If you live in the midwest you should be cuddled up in a snuggie with a cup of sugar free hot cocoa or celestial seasonings tea…
Have you ever had the kind of day you just want to spill your guts, but no one really wants to listen, well fortunately… I have you to listen, erm read.
I think I’ll just start by saying this is going to be a hellaciously long blog and I’m just going to ramble until my fingers hurt.
My mind spins with questions… questions of why? who? and most of all, when will it end?
I have been thinking about my life, not just starting in March because as I think about it, life didn’t began with lap band… it began years and years ago. I think everyday about how I got here, how unhappy I am, how unhappy I make others, and even more how I don’t want to keep being unhappy.
I would love to say that I’m enduring some sort of pain for some greater cause… but alas, it is only my mind that causes this pain, and I don’t think it will be for the greater good of anyone. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just be numb, and not have feelings at all.
I am trapped, suffocating under the weight of a world that I put myself under, not only my physical fat, but all of the things in life that make you feel like throwing your hands up in the air and saying fuck all.
This anger, stress, depression, restlessness … did I mention anger? They are all sponsored by me, and my lack of backbone and self-control. I spent so much time blaming my body on one person or another… and don’t get me wrong, as a child I did get food that I shouldn’t have, but as an adult I should have been able to make better decisions. Alas, I did not, I did what made me feel good and for a long time that was food.
I have these huge dreams that I fear will never come true because I could never gain the self-control to handle my issues. I hate myself for this at times… well I hate myself all the time usually… but this seems to be the thing that keeps rolling up in my mind. I try to understand how I made such a complete and utter mess out of my life, and how I can fix it.
People give me advice and I wish that I could take it, but it’s just not that simple. I can’t even leave the house on my own, how can I get out there and deal with anything when nobody even knows the truth about me.
I fear the unknown… I live the unknown. I never know what new thing is going to happen tomorrow, I don’t know what part of my body is going to stop working, or what new illness my mother has, or who else I will lose in my life, and yet I still wake up. Some days it seems it would be easier not to wake up at all. While I know this is an irrational thing to say… it is honestly how it feels at times.
There is something about having emotions but never owning them, I can’t grasp how to “own” them. I am bitter, angry, resentful, sad, happy, depressed, hateful, and loving… how can all of these feelings all be wrapped up in one person, how can I be one thing in the morning and another in the afternoon?
This bit of my life is complex, and I don’t know that it will ever get easier. My body has been abused, my fat has aged me, and it may not show in my face, but as I found out today it does show in my body.
I have had seven ankle surgeries for arthritis and complications of other surgeries. Today I went to the orthopedic surgeon and found out that the osteoarthritis is eating away the joint now since the cartilage is gone. My bones creek when I stand up… not that I can stand up for more then ten steps and I’m not even thirty years old yet. I HATE this… I HATE my life… and I feel HELPLESS.
That’s all I have for today, this going to be the place where I come to blog regularly so I hope that this isn’t too much insanity for you.
Here’s today’s food btw, and yes I know too many calories:
- Breakfast:
- 1 Cup 2% Milk (120)
- Lunch:
- Part of a Chinese Frozen Dinner (200)
- 2 oz cheese (140)
- 12 Hershey Kisses (300)
- 3 Cups of Kool-Aid (180)
- Sour Cream and Onion Chex Mix (120)
- For Dinner:
- Steak Salad (Steak, Lettuce, Cheese, Light Italian Dressing) (600)
- Total: 1520
A complete and utter failure of a day… and if I say I’ll do better tomorrow chances are I won’t… but I’m gonna say it anyway… I will do better tomorrow.
November 29, 2009
Being Me… By Steve
I always find that my blogs are soundtracked… maybe music just spurs my mind to thinking.
Today was the beginning of my new plan. Here’s what I ate today:
- Breakfast: Yogurt (110), String Cheese (70) Total: 180
- Lunch: Turkey Pepperoni (70) 2 oz. cheese (140) Total: 210
- Dinner: Click Protein Shake (120), Clif Protein Bar (270) Total: 390
- Drinks: 2 Cups Orange Juice (220)
- Today’s Total: 1000 Total Protein: 81 grams
I feel like I’m breaking out of the old mindset of unhealthy eating habits to lose weight and moving into a new place of weight loss. I talked with Jason last week (I hope he doesn’t mind me mentioning him here) about the scale and how it’s a stressor in my life. I did a good job of avoiding until Thanksgiving, then fell off the wagon. Putting it away again as of tomorrow and going back to staying away from it.
I have an unhealthy obsession with the scale. It takes me to a place that I don’t like to go and don’t often talk about.
I have had an obesity issue since I was very young, as well as an unhealthy obsession with the scale from a very young age. I guess that I have had ana/mia tendencies since I was about ten years old as thoroughly depressing or disturbing as that may be. I think I ate and then purged for the first time when I was about eleven years old. I found myself compelled to eat a ton and then had to get it out of me so that I wouldn’t get “fat.”
My mother was on diets my whole life she still continues to be, and so were my aunts. They were all concerned about my weight and that maybe I needed to try diets too. I started taking diet pills at thirteen years old. I exercised from four pm till eight pm every night and then did homework for two hours… this went on for days if not weeks and then back to the binging that I was doing before.
I have never in my life figured out a balanced way to lose weight. It’s either don’t eat this food, or eat as much of this food as you want. Or don’t eat at all. Or binge on everything you love and then puke it all up. Whatever made the scale move I didn’t care I tried and/or did it.
I have never had a love/hate relationship food. I have always… and I do mean always loved it. My body thrives on it, the smell, the taste the texture it’s like a drug and I fiend for it. I have tried pretty much every diet out there… here’s just a few:
- T-Lite (First diet pills @ 13 years old)
- The Rice Diet
- Starvation / Excessive Exercise (ana)
- Binging and purging (mia)
- Weight Watchers
- Metabolife
- Hydroxycut
- Xenadrine
- Cabbage Soup Diet
- 7 Day all you can eat diet
- 3 Day diet
- 4 Day diet
- Deal-A-Meal
- Body 4 Life
- Abs Diet
- Susan Sommers Diet
- Susan Powter Diet
- Fat Smash Diet
- Nutri-System - For one month (hella expensive)
- Calorie counting
- Atkin’s
- South Beach
- and many many many more.
My current plan is calorie counting and moving more… better known as the basics… *Eat Less, Move More* I also plan on paying more attention to stressors and removing the ones from my life that I have power over, and learning ways to better handle the ones that I have no control over.
I have several co-morbidities that I’m still dealing with: High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Arthritis, and other joint disease/disorders.
I can’t really “work out” but I am going to find alternatives, even if I have to create them.
This has to be the last time that I say this is the last time. I have to finally make the decision to eat to live and make a plan that works for me for the rest of my life. This is my life… not a diet… goal is a destination, not the end of my journey.
THIS JOURNEY DOESN’T END UNTIL I DIE.
November 4, 2009
Plans… by Vanessa
I had all of these great plans for jump starting my weight loss last week. I started with my 6 week walk challenge and got the devastating news that my grandfather would be moving to hospice to live his final days. He is more of a father to me than grandparent. My grandparents had a huge hand in raising me and so I feel I’m losing a parent. Also this morning Eric’s uncle passed away but I won’t be attending that funeral as it would take me too far from my grandfather. I’m sorry if this is a rather downbeat blog. Weight loss is the furthest thing from my mind right now as I cope with my impending loss.
I am working on a list of my confessions for the blog, various things I normally wouldn’t tell anyone. I’ll post it eventually
Blogging isn’t really on my mind either but I felt like I needed to do it.
I hope to be back on a more positive note soon.
October 28, 2009
Please watch, subscribe and pass this video on…
October 27, 2009
Steve… More From Me
I’m listening to Kings of Leon “Use Somebody” as I ponder a few things.
I hope that I don’t overwhelm our readers with my blog posts but after watching an incredibly emotional Biggest Loser, I am finding that I Have some of the feelings that some of the contestants on the show do.
I wonder if it has to be pounded out on the mat or if we can settle these issues within ourselves. Jillian Michaels is one of my favorite people in the world, the strength as well psychological skills that she has leave me in constant awe. I would die to meet her.
*Spoiler alert* tonite she had a long discussion with Shay about her relationship with her mother. For those of you who don’t watch the show, Shay is the biggest contestant ever on the show, and she started out seventy lbs less then my highest ever weight. I feel this connection to Shay in so many ways, I find this super inspiration of the strength that she shows and that she doesn’t play bullshit games. Shay realizes that after pounding it out on the mat that she couldn’t make her mother love her, and she couldn’t make her stop and that she wasn’t killing herself with heroine, but she was doing it with food instead.
If you read my last blog post you will see that my parents were divorced when I was five, I saw my father for the last time when I was eight years old. I never saw, heard from, or spoke to him until earlier this year when his mother passed away and he called my aunts house begging me to come. I attended the funeral and he said five words to me “I didn’t think you were coming” and that was all. I don’t know what I expected, was I thinking it was going to be like a Maury Povich reunion? I really don’t know. I’m sad that I never had a male figure in my life that wasn’t a drunk, drug addict, or perverted. Do I think I missed out on things by not having a father around during my “formitive” years, for sure I do, but chances are I wouldn’t be around still had he been there.
I spend so much time in my own thoughts that I need to realize they only have power when I give them power. I am self-defeatist, I expect myself to fail. That is something I have done all of my life, hope for the best expect the worse because that’s the way that life usually worked out for me.
I can’t do that with this weight loss journey, I have to expect the best, and achieve better.
I’m going to go on a bit of a rant now, so if ur not interested please click away…
I have had three different people insinuate that weight loss surgery was the easy way out of the past few days. I had lap band surgery on March 5th, 2009 I developed a port wound infection and ran fevers and was extremely ill for weeks after surgery. I struggle everyday with making healthy food choices, and forcing my body to move even when it doesn’t want to.
I know that this weight is what caused these issues in my body, I have arthritis is many major joints, but the simple fact is there is NOTHING easy about this journey, I have worked for every lb. I have given my all to beat the statistics, I have a lap band and am losing gastric bypass numbers, so please don’t look down on me or accuse me of taking the easy way out. Trust this, if you do, I will stomp you on my way to the top, I am here to support as many people as I can, but I will NOT allow myself to be influenced by negativity ever again.
The only way anyone can have power of me is if I give it to them, and that won’t be happening again. My life is my own and this is the journey of a lifetime… and I hope that it’s a long one, cause I’ve got a hell of a lot of living left to do.
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